I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
