Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
