i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
