I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
