We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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