trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
