Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
