there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
