Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
