First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
