To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
