I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
