umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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