I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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