i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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