No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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