I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
