"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
