Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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