I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
