Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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