I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
