Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
