Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
