Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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