She is in my trunk
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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