I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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