I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
