How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
