my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
