that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
