Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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