she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
