listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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