I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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