Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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