Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
