did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
