It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
