My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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