WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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