why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
