Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
