i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
