Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
