I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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