Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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