the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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