what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
