I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
