Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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