I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
