Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
