You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
