dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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